I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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