just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
