No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
