yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
