His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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