Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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