I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
