Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We talked him into tasing himself.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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