my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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