8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
