my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
