One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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