I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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