i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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