We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
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Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
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So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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