I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
ugly people sure do ruin things
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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