hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
