its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
