I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
