I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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