Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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