i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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