stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
