Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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