i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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