I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
