I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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