Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
