We're like a lot better than the average bears
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
