is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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