So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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