I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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