I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
