We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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