am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
