Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
