I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
