What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
