you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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