It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
