I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
