Swine flu. Run for my life!
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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