I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
