I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i need some magic done to my vagina
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
