We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
