I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I have fence marks all over my body
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
