In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
