May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
