I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
