my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
