fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
