Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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