Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
