Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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