if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize