i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We are all done wearing pants today
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
