have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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