When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
