my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
