you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
