The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
