I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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