Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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