it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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