I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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