you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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